What is pain? According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary pain means:
I will be using the verb form of pain. 1: to make suffer or cause distress to: hurt 2 archaic: to put (oneself) to trouble or exertion intransitive verb1archaic: suffer 2: to give or have a sensation of pain. Can pain be felt along with frustration? What is the definition of frustration? The Merriam-Webster Dictionary frustration means: it is an adjective: filled with a sense of frustration: feeling deep insecurity, discouragement, or dissatisfaction. And does pain relate to anger? The Merriam-Webster Dictionary anger means: I will be using the verb form of frustration. Transitive verb: To make angry <he was angered by the decision> Intransitive verb: to become angry. Now that we understand the definition of pain, frustration, and anger; my next question will be, can pain, frustration, and anger be all bundled up in one package? Pain, frustration, and anger, is it visible, or seen at the start of an argument, through tears, or a screaming out burst? Pain, frustration, and anger, how does it affect us mentally, our health, and our relationships with our family and friends?
So, if we never experience pain, frustration, and anger; does that mean we are not open to joy or love in our lives? So, if we don’t experience pain, frustration, and anger; do we love and respect ourselves? So, if you don’t experience pain, frustration, and anger do you lose your emotions or spirituality? I have to ask myself; have I been so consumed with my own pain, frustration, and anger that I forgot about living life? Did I get so used to feeling the pain, frustration, and anger, that I lost my joy, love, emotions, and spirituality?
Another strong emotion for me is grief. I believe for most of us when every day life is mixed with constant disappointment, a lifetime of self doubts, and limitations due to ones own self worth; grief sets in and then along comes our package of pain, frustration, and anger.
Then the package grows bigger! We compound it with shame and guilt. My pain with shame and guilt have been so bad, that I have tried to commit suicide. My hostilely and verbal abuse to my husband, has left me to be alone. But there is no going back. There were so many words that should have never been said and inadvertently very hurtful. You remember the old saying, "Sticks and stones may brake my bones, but words will never hurt me." I think bones heal, but the words we never forget!
Did my package destroy my marriage? There were so many times my husband would just go downstairs (where I could not follow. I will discuss this later in another chapter.) and ignore me and not talk to me. This just added to my guilt and shame and my burden became bigger. I never understood the connection. What is the greater sin? My hostilely and verbal abuse, or my husband looking on the Internet else where? I know two wrongs don’t make a right, but for my own responsibility in my marriage; I felt safe and secure with a 19 year marriage. I put our Lord on the back burner. I forgot to make my husband #2 in my life. I never told him how much I loved him, nor did I thank him for going to work and providing me with a nice home.
to be continued
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